Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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