There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
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