i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
