just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
