I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
