Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you had me at cake vodka
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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