My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
