I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
