put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
