nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
