As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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