I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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