Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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