if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you had me at cake vodka
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
