dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
