btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
