i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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