I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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