I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I can't turn off my feet"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
