break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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