You're completely useless in the revolution.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
