Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
