You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
