Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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