I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
