Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
