your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
