Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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