new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
