You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
only you would photoshop your dick
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
