Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
wow bdsm is so cute
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
