sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
