A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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