I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
