Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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