I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
apparently the secret to your success is patron
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
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