there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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