i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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