I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
