I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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