I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
