weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
