turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
