so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
