So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
