Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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