Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
then he tried to convert me to islam
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
