i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
