a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
