I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
