Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
