every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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