I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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