dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
