Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
