I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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