I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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