i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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