Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
