You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
