Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
