Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
