Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize