she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
