I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
