hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
