yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
