If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
